


Those Bright, Crooked Stars

by WeAreTheCyclones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-season 7, Pre-Relationship, idk how to tag this tbqh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:12:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeAreTheCyclones/pseuds/WeAreTheCyclones
Summary: After the dust settles, Team Voltron has to keep moving forward and Shiro is at a crossroads.(Post-Season 7 hospital fic and beyond!)





	Those Bright, Crooked Stars

**Author's Note:**

> _Those bright crooked stars, man they're howlin out_  
>  Thought you read them all right, had them all figured out  
> Learned every constellation, just to find where you're at  
> Yeah, I been gone gone gone gone gone gone gone gone  
> But now I'm back
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I started writing this right after Season 8 came out and almost deleted it 76 times but then I decided to finish it instead! I know there are 879779 hospital scene fics, but here's the 879780th! :)

Shiro syncs his breathing to the heart monitor. He doesn’t mean to, but once he notices he makes sure to keep it up.

He breathes and counts and rolls a piece of paper between his palms - one flesh, one a still foreign metal - until it starts to lose it’s crispness. 

A nurse comes in, smiles at him blandly with a polite “Captain”, and pulls up Keith’s chart on her tablet. Shiro turns his attention away, standing to lean against the window sill. He unfurls the paper and pretends to scrutinize it seriously.

_Today is a solemn day. Today, we look back at the lives we lost…_

His heart picks up speed in his chest. Nerves.

He glances over at the hospital bed, where the nurse is bent over Keith with a small frown. 

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asks.

“Hm? Oh, nothing,” she says, smiling. Shiro’s gaze must be too intense because she amends that with: “The surgical tape looks like it’s giving him a rash, that’s all.”

She types up some updates and leaves quickly. Shiro feels like an ass.

Keith still hasn’t woken up.

The others have. Shiro’s visited them all. Lance and his family were all sound and movement, folding Shiro into their conversations and good-natured teasing like he was one of them. Allura wanted a full debriefing of what happened before tears filled her eyes and she told Shiro how proud she was. Hunk’s family hugged him tightly and loaded him up with Tupperware full of food while Hunk beamed at all of them. The Holts treated them like they always had. It had been a comfort not to have to act the part of leader with them.

But Keith is still asleep in an empty hospital room.

Shiro had gotten into contact with Krolia, she was supposed to arrive anytime now. 

And even though he wants Keith to wake up more than almost anything, he’s also gotten used to the sterile silence of his room. It feels like the only place in the universe where Shiro can think and be in peace.

He finally folds his speech and tucks it into the breast pocket of his under-shirt and settles back into the chair he’s been the sole occupant of this whole damn time.

Actually, that’s not true. Shiro knows others have come and gone. Colleen Holt had been in with a stack of clean clothes for Keith to wake up to. Iverson came in and left a letter on his bedside table. Shiro suspects its Keith’s rank promotion. 

There are other little signs too. Kosmo fur, oily black shifting to violet in the light, keeps ending up all over Shiro’s clothes even though he hasn’t seen the wolf in awhile. An old hand-held video game Shiro recognizes from Pidge’s room on the Castle of Lions appeared one day, holding down Iverson’s letter. Romelle drew Keith a card and left it with a vase of scrubby wild flowers. 

Shiro clears his throat. “Well, Keith, I know you’re good at the silent treatment but this is a whole new level,” Shiro says to him. He has this fantasy of Keith waking up to his voice, isn’t that ridiculous? 

Though, thematically speaking, it’d make for a nice parallel. Shiro has was pulled from death by Keith’s voice not too long ago, wasn’t he? 

So sometimes he talks to him. He’s read his speech to him a million times, through every draft. He figured out every weighted pause and honed every syllable. He’s as ready as ever to actually deliver it. 

He wants Keith to be awake for it. 

He hates this waiting game.

He’s not even in danger, he’s expected to make a full recovery. The doctors aren’t nervous at all. 

“His body is waiting for the right time,” one of them had said, placing a warm hand on Shiro’s shoulder. She’d smiled at him like she knew something, but no one else could possibly know…

When Shiro looks out the window, it’s just in time to see the wormhole flash and a ship appear. Krolia’s here.

Shiro straightens up the room that needs no straightening. He considers leaving before she can get here and see him moping over her son but she’s faster than Shiro remembered. She strides into the room, Kolivan behind her, and goes instantly for Keith.

“How is he? Has he woken?” she asks.

“Captain,” Kolivan says in greeting. They clasp arms out of respect, Shiro thankful to see him looking strong and terrifying again.

“He’s doing okay, he’s healing. Would you like to speak to a nurse?” Shiro says. 

Krolia shakes her head. When she turns her golden eyes toward him. her face softens. “Have you been here this whole time?”

“Mostly,” he confesses. “Couldn’t let our guy be alone.”

He sees her look around, no doubt honing in on the same evidence of other guests Shiro had noticed, but she doesn’t say anything. “Thank you, Shiro.”

“It’s nothing. I should get going.” He hooks his finger in the collar of his dress jacket and pulls it off the back of the chair. “I have a speech to deliver.”

“The memorial,” Krolia says. “You’ll do well.” The smile she gives him is heavy with understanding - like she’s mourned plenty of soldiers before. 

He whispers a thank you and heads to the door. He stops before closing it behind him. “Would you mind uh… I think the memorial is being broadcast, can you have it on? I want him to… well, I want him to hear the speech.” 

She nods. 

**

“—But that light, that fire, has not gone out completely. It is fueled within each of us—“  
Shiro.

But the first thing Keith sees when he opens his eyes is Kolivan lurking in the corner by the window. He blinks a few times and rolls his head away, groaning at how hard it is to move.  
“Keith?” His mom, voice relieved and worried all at once. Her hand falls against his chest, calming him. “Take it easy.”

“Where’s Shiro?”

Kolivan actually snorts. His mom’s lips twitch but ultimately she just dips forward to kiss his forehead. 

“He’s presiding over the memorial.” She points toward the TV. “I’m sure he’ll be back here as soon as he can be.”

Keith watches the TV for a second, feeling groggy and uncentered. He sees the smiling faces of people who lost their lives fading in and out on screen, Shiro’s strong voice accompanying them. 

“What happened? Keith asks. 

“You and your friends got hurt,” she explains. “You all crashed back to Earth after already taking a beating… You were all in rough shape.”

“Are they okay?” he asks. His heart monitor beeps faster, his chest tightening.

“They’re fine, you were the last to wake up.”

“Shit.”

Krolia’s hand moves up from his chest to his cheek. Their eyes lock. 

“I am so proud of you, all of you.”

Keith smiles. She pulls away to go pour him a glass of water from the pitcher on the bedside table. Keith’s gaze slides back to the TV.

“Shiro looks good,” he says.

Krolia laughs. “He’s a very handsome man,” she agrees. 

Keith’s too out of it to feel shame. But he looks so strong and sure and whole and healthy. Keith only half-listens to his speech, his attention fading in and out, but he keeps his eyes trained on Shiro’s serious face. 

**

Shiro jogs the whole way back to the hospital, even after a nurse tells him not to run in the halls. He slides to a stop outside Keith’s door and bursts through it, out of breath.

Keith’s gone.

He looks to Krolia, who looks back at him with an eyebrow raised. 

“Where is he?”

“He wanted to go see the others,” she says. “Kolivan is helping him.”

“Didn’t he just wake up? Shouldn’t he still be resting?”

She huffs a laugh. “Of course he should be.”

Shiro should go find him, he should be the one helping him. 

Krolia watches him, calm but calculating.

He sinks into the chair and breathes. There’s no more heart monitor to sync up to, he’s on his own. 

“When did he wake up?” he asks.

“In the middle of your speech.”

Shiro tries not to smile. Fails. 

“It was a fine speech, Shiro,” she says. She reaches out and squeezes his hand. “Beautifully spoken. You make a very good captain.”

His cheeks flush. “Thank you.”

A thoughtful silence settles over them. Shiro wonders selfishly how long Keith will be. Shiro can feel Krolia’s thoughts sharpening to a point and zeroing in on him.

Finally, she speaks.

“Keith’s good at what he does, isn’t he?” she asks. She’s not asking for confirmation, she’s asking if Shiro comprehends that.

“He’s incredibly good at what he does,” Shiro agrees. Of course he comprehends that. 

“You always saw this in him, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“How?” She’s gunning for something.

Shiro blows a puff of air up at his fringe in thought. “He had a natural ability as a pilot that outstripped a lot of cadets and he was still so young. I knew he would have a lot of time to become strong in other ways. And he never wanted the attention, but he always got it anyway. The other cadets always looked to him, even if it was for the wrong reasons. You can always change those reasons. And I…” he falters. He looks at Krolia, wondering how solid she is. 

Because a huge element of Keith had always been self-sabotage. Trying not to play the video game to get assessed, stealing Shiro’s car, getting into fights, running away, joining the Blades, relinquishing the Black Lion as soon as he could to shirk the weight of leadership… 

Shiro saw right through it, right beyond the lack of discipline and hot-headed temper and right into the eye of his insecurity. His fear of abandonment. 

If he pushed others away, if he failed on his own terms, he never had to feel hurt at the hands of another person.

And no matter what the truth of the matter ended up being, a lot of that had stemmed back to Keith’s mom. 

“And you what?” Krolia prompts.

He edits a little, sentiment remaining the same. “And I knew that his behavior was a reaction, not who he was. You can change behaviors. He had all these qualities that could be honed. He had parts of him that could be healed, that would make him stronger.”

She nods. She traces a pattern on the hospital sheets in thought.

“When we were traveling through the quantum abyss, we saw flashes of things. Things from each other’s lives, pasts, futures… I saw how he was. I know why he was that way. It was because of me leaving him. His father dying.”

Shiro nods, guilty, when she looks to him. “I think the truth set him free,” he says softly. 

She smiles and nods back. “I hope so.” 

A few rocky seconds pass between them before smoothing out. Shiro checks the time, foot bouncing. 

“Why didn’t you go look for him?” Krolia asks out of nowhere.

“Because he needs to show face to his team, they need to see him doing okay on his own.” Because that’s what Voltron will be now. Those five, a seamless team. And Shiro in the distance.

She makes a sound of approval. “You’re both very good at what you do. Leadership can’t always be taught.”

**

They’re all gentle with him. Pidge’s small hand slotting into his, grinning her crooked grin. Hunk lowering his hug strength by about 75%. Lance refraining from teasing him too hard. Allura scolding Kolivan for letting him walk around after just waking up and saying, “It’s not your fault, though” to Keith.

Normally, he may have hated being treated like glass. But now? He wants to treat them all like glass too. He really thought they were all going to die together. He’s glad they didn’t.

In the five or so minutes he spent in their rooms, each of them provided a piece of the puzzle that was the aftermath. 

“After they stabilized the Garrison and got some major systems back online, Matt helped dad send out transmissions to all the coordinates of the Voltron Coalition we had.”

“James and Mrs. Holt worked together to set up a system to reunite all the refugees from the work camps with their families.” (Hunk looked adoringly at his mom and dad as he said it, relief etched all over him.)

“Well, Vero—“ “Don’t call me Vero.” “—Whatever. She said they’re beefing up the cadet training programs and the allies are helping a lot. I think I saw Kincaide blush when he met Rolo, I’m not even kidding.” “He’s full of it.” “I know _romance_ when I see it, lady.” “Oh, is that so, flyboy?”

“We’re still trying to figure out what happened to the missing Altean colony, but Coran has been working with the Garrison to improve Atlas and build a new Castle. And, you know, Shiro’s been worried sick about you.”

Keith draws up short at that last part. Coran starts whistling and fixing his mustache in his reflection in the window. Romelle takes the mice and leaves.

“Oh?”

She nods seriously. “He barely left your bedside the entire time.”

“Is he… do you think he’s okay?”

Allura tilts her head to the side in thought. “I do. I just think he was scared.”

“Well, he can consider it payback for the times he’s scared me,” Keith jokes. It falls flat.

“I don’t think there should be any sort of payback for anything,” she says, eyebrows furrowed. “I think he cares for you more than either of you acknowledge.”

Keith blushes, it’s unavoidable.

Kolivan clears his throat. “You should rest, Keith,” he says, placing a large hand on Keith’s shoulder.

“Right, okay. Well…” He hugs Allura, even though it’s awkward. She murmurs a warm laugh and kisses his cheek. 

When they get back to the room, Shiro has a spread of cards in one hand as the hover arm zooms toward Krolia. “Do you have any 2s?” he asks, arm floating palm up in front of Krolia’s face.

“I don’t think that advanced tech was made for Go Fish,” Keith teases.

“And why not?” he asks, grinning. He sits his cards down and springs up to meet him. He stops just short, looking like he had been about to go in for a hug. He casts a look at Krolia.

“Keith, you should be sitting,” she says, saving them all from the awkward moment. She guides Keith by the arm to sit on the edge of his bed. 

“Sit with me,” Keith says, looking directly at Shiro. 

Shiro sits, stiff in his uniform. His other arm still across the room by Krolia’s vacated seat. 

“You’re having too much fun with that, aren’t you?” Keith asks.

Shiro’s cheeks color, the arm returns to his side. “Yeah, I think I’ve earned it.”

“You have.”

Shiro’s shoulders loosen. He shifts to face Keith better. “So, how’d you like the speech?” he asks with a cocky grin.

Keith scrambles to think of a joke or one of those dumb puns Shiro likes so much but the gravity of the speech that he could only half listen to, the gravity of loss, threatens to pull Keith under. Instead, he pitches forward and wraps his arms around Shiro’s middle and curls his body against him. Shiro’s arm circles around him. 

Faintly, Keith hears the door close and he knows they’re alone. He wants to say something but his mind is blank.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Shiro whispers into his hair. “I was so scared.”

“Payback,” Keith says, even though Allura already vetoed that joke.

But Shiro laughs.

**

Shiro’s schedule is chock full of doctor appointments and mental health assessments and therapy and press events and very little actual work. He hates it.

He hates it especially when the Paladins are off doing their own thing. Without him. He feels alone in a way he’s never actually felt before. 

“We’re headed to Russia,” Keith tells Shiro from the Black Lion’s cockpit. Shiro frowns when he doesn’t mean to and Keith catches it. “What?”

“I didn’t know you guys were out today at all.”

“We’ll be back tonight, it’s a quick trip. They’ve mostly gotten the damage taken care of, the Garrison just needs us to check something out. You know that’s what most of these trips are.”

“I don’t actually, they don’t tell me.”

Keith gives him a withering look. “There’s a lot you can’t tell us too. But like I said, we’ll be back tonight.”

“I’m not comfortable with these huge divisions they’re drawing between us.”

Keith smirks. Shiro sours. “Hey, watch the face, Shirogane. I don’t like it either. We’re just over here waiting for you to get sick of letting them exploit your handsome face.”

Shiro’s heart lurches. “So you think I have a handsome face, huh?”

“The cameras love you, boss. Ah, one second…” The feed pauses. Shiro gets his blush under control. Keith comes back mid-laugh. “Pidge suggested you overthrow the government and wants to call you the president now.”

“Oh god. Are they listening in?”

“No, I just told them you’re finally expressing your discontent. _Anyway_ , Shiro, I know you don’t need my advice, but you should start asserting yourself.”

“Noted.”

“What’s their ultimate plan for Atlas, anyway?”

“Classified.”

“If the answer is not “replacing the Castle of Lions and becoming the command center for Voltron,” I guess I don’t want to hear it anyway.”

“It’s a defense system for Earth, I doubt that’s going to happen,” Shiro says, sounding miserable.

“And you’re the captain of it. What do you want Atlas to be used for?”

Shiro mulls over his possible answers, wondering how much sway he really has. Before he can answer, Keith tells him they’re touching down and the feed ends. 

With a sigh, he sets his tablet down on top of a file of his medical reports. The reports tell him all about this arm and the post-traumatic stress disorder. The on-going research about the effects of cloning and weird soul-transplanting thing is documented pretty thoroughly too. Though, there are no real concrete answers about that. The one thing these reports say definitively is that his degenerative muscular disorder from before is completely gone without a trace. The disease that Shiro shuffled off to space to get ahead of. The disease that Shiro had just been waiting to be gutted by. Gone.

It’s impossible not to think about Adam, then. It’s impossible not to wonder what would have happened if he’d been able to tell Adam, “Hey, don’t worry, I’ll get abducted by aliens and altered into the ultimate fighter and cloned and, well, long story short, this disease is powerless.” It wouldn’t have mattered, Shiro thinks. Not with what’s happened since.

Even if he’d lived, would it have mattered? 

The guilt keeps him from continuing down that road.

He opens his itinerary and notes the meeting with Iverson and Sam Holt. He’ll bring up being more hands-on with Atlas. He’ll bring up missions preparation and his grandest ideas. It’s time to take more on.

The thing with Atlas is that depending on which way this goes, he may not have to choose duty over love. If, uh, that is what this is. 

**

Keith can’t sleep. He can still hear his mom’s wrecked sobbing, can still feel the grave’s dirt under his nails. Kosmo whimpers next to him, nosing into his neck. Keith digs his fingers into his fur and closes his eyes again.

He’d mourned his father already. He misses him everyday still, sure, but the sharp sting of grief has passed. Watching his mom feel it for the first times was hard, though.

Especially because he remembered fantasizing about this moment. With a twisted, furious heart he had dreamed of a day when his good-for-nothing mom crawled back to town and had to face all the horror she wrought on Keith’s life and the mistakes she made and the things she’d lost.

It had been surreal to live out the fantasy with a completely different foundation, with a different heart altogether. Healing, almost. Being there with her, knowing some of that sobbing was for him… 

He opens his eyes again and stares at the digital read out of the time on his tablet. 

The dorms are neither too quiet nor too loud, they’re just the wrong sounds. Wind in the desert, coyotes baying in the distance, footsteps above and below and in the hall, the infrequent security guard’s booted step and walkie talkie chatter. He misses the Castle. The rooms were sound proof. And they could intercom each other. Hunk used to bug everyone by playing some Bii-Boh-Bi soap opera loudly over the intercom. Pidge would answer back with some creative cursing. Lance would tell him to turn it up. Keith could use some of that right about now.

Kosmo growls weakly at him when he pulls away and sits up.

“Sorry, bud,” Keith mumbles. 

He pulls on a pair of jeans and slips his feet into the shoes he’d kicked off at the doorway.

Kosmo rustles unhappily behind him. Stretching, yawning, huffing, and ultimately hopping off the bed to join him. 

Keith has to admit the dorm isn’t as bad as sleeping in the lions. Black, for all he loves her and feels her in his bones, is not a luxury cruiser. (He hears the faintest growl in his head, unsure if it’s her reaching out to him or his imagination. Or his exhaustion.)

Back when he was a cadet here, security would have basically court marshaled his ass for breaking curfew. But now, when he steps into the hall, the security guard salutes him. He waves off the salute with a sleepy smile and makes his way to the nearest exit. 

It’s chilly outside, but it feels good. Keith walks to the retaining wall that lies between the Garrison and the desert beyond just to get away from the lights from the buildings. He wants to see a field of stars. He wants to feel like he’s back in space. 

Earth feels… so small now. It’s almost suffocating.

“Well,” says a voice that makes Keith forget the cold. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Keith makes out Shiro’s outline against the moonlit field beyond. Kosmo phases out next to him and back in next to Shiro, glowing and panting happily. 

“Nope, you?”

“Nope,” Shiro replies. He buries his hand in Kosmo’s fur. 

“We went to my dad’s grave today,” Keith tells him. It’s too late for standard conversation protocol. 

“Are you okay?” Shiro asks, looking toward him with a concerned frown.

Keith nods. “It was harder on my mom.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiro says softly.  
“It’s okay.” Keith wants to squeeze his hand and lean against his side, but he looks down and sees that his hovering arm is missing. “Whoa, where’d you leave it this time?”

Shiro barks out a laugh. “I take it off to sleep,” Shiro says. “I’ve never left it anywhere I didn’t fully intend to, thank you very much.”

Keith can still hear Lance’s scream at finding the disembodied arm floating in the dark hallway outside his room. He laughs along with him. 

“Is it uncomfortable?” he asks.

“Nah, just… not necessary. I feel whole with or without it.”

They lean against the wall in silence for awhile. Keith mentally goes through a list of the visible constellations, finding some comfort in seeing the stars in the right spots. But now, he’s been to some of these stars. He knows how far apart they are down to the dobosh. He’s met people in their solar systems. 

He’s grinning at the sky when Shiro looks over. He just looks, a soft smile on his face. 

“You and your constellations,” Shiro says fondly when Keith looks at him.

“Do you miss space?” Keith asks. 

Shiro considers his question, absently petting Kosmo while Kosmo looks up at him adoringly and drools on his shoes. 

“It’s complicated,” Shiro says. “Because… yeah I do. Even though it’s given me so many reasons not to.”

“So, why miss it?”

“Because it’s given me a lot of good things too. Do _you_ miss it?”

“Every second,” Keith admits, voice not strong enough to be much bigger than a breath.

“We’ll be back out there eventually. This is temporary.”

“If we go, are you coming with us?” Keith asks. The question has been haunting him for weeks now, ever since things started to settle. 

“Yes,” Shiro says without a pause. 

“With Atlas?”

“I don’t know.”

“Shiro, that’s your ship.”

“I know.” There’s a little angst there. “But you’re my team.”

“Atlas is your duty.”

Shiro doesn’t respond for a long time. When he speaks again, it’s about something entirely different. “Do you think you guys are ready to form Voltron again?” 

They’d been using the lions to help as much as they could. They separated and flew all over the world to help rebuild and to show face. They hadn’t been in threat of a battle in awhile, they hadn’t bothered to try. 

“I think so,” Keith says. “I think they’re ready. Have you tried again with Atlas?”

“Not yet. Repairs aren’t done.”

“Can we not talk shop?” Keith says, stumbling over Shiro’s last word. 

“Just thought you wanted to talk about duty, sorry.”

“Are we fighting?” 

“Why would we be fighting?”

“Exactly my question.” Keith can hear the octave of his voice creeping up in distress. He swallows it back down. “Sorry, it’s just late.”

Shiro murmurs in agreement, head dipping down to look at the wolf who has curled around his legs and fallen asleep. “It’s not just about duty, that’s all I want to say.”

Keith thinks of Krolia, leaving earth to protect them. Honoring her duty was just a side-effect. He stares at the side of Shiro’s face, heart aching. Would he abandon Voltron for Shiro? Wasn’t the question really “would he abandon Voltron for Shiro _again_?” Does he want Shiro to abandon Atlas for him? For anyone? 

He stops the train of thought there, looking away from Shiro’s profile. 

“Hey, it would kill me to be out there without you,” Keith says, gesturing to the sky. He has no idea how to fix the awkwardness that’s sprung up, he hopes this will help. “I’d miss you too much.”

They lock eyes and Keith can’t look away. HIs breath catches in his throat. He wonders if there’s anything to what Allura had said all those weeks ago about Shiro caring about him more than either of them acknowledged. He wonders if his mom’s teasing had some ground in reality. 

“Well,” Shiro says, not breaking contact. “I think Atlas and Voltron make a good team. Just like us.”

Keith smiles. “I think so too, Captain.”

“Not you too,” Shiro laughs. “Can’t so much as ask the others to pass me the salt without getting called Captain.”

“It’s not our fault the title suits you so well.”

Shiro laughs and ducks his head. Keith would code that as flirtatious if he knew enough to. 

**

They’re actually flirting. Shiro didn’t think Keith knew how to flirt. At least, not intentionally. So maybe this isn’t intentional?

Keith pulls James’s paper to him and doodles something, biting his lip. James smirks back, eyes soft.

Unbelievable. 

Shiro clears his throat and taps his hover arm against the center of the long table to get their attention. 

“I need to know you two are prepared to lead this mission,” Shiro says, tougher than the occasion calls for.

Keith’s face contorts, flashing through confusion, frustration, and judgment before settling on neutral. He holds the paper up for Shiro, and everyone else, to see. It’s a makeshift map with equations scrawled along the side. 

“Griffin suggested we take off from the west coast instead of here for a better trajectory,” he says, deathly serious as he stares Shiro down. “Less drag,” he says, flicking the side of the paper with the equations. There’s a doodle of a lion on a surfboard in the margins. “Optimal positioning.”

“Great, thank you, James,” Shiro says, all business.

“Thank you, sir.”

Shiro can feel Pidge’s eyes boring into him. 

Sam Holt “ahem, right”s and continues with the briefing. James and his team will be ground support. Atlas will haul the new comm tower and get it functional. Team Voltron will head for Olkarion to help calibrate with their own communications systems. This mission will expand intergalactic contact further than any civilization ever before. 

It’s fascinating, historic, incredible work. It’s exactly the direction the Coalition should be moving toward. And he’s still trying to tamp down on a stupid flare of jealousy. He trains his gaze on Sam’s presentation but he can see Keith shooting glances his way. When Shiro chances a look, Keith has the sketched out map rolled up and smashed in his fist. 

When the meeting concludes, half the Paladins and the MFE pilots briskly leave the room while chattering about grabbing lunch. Keith hangs back to talk to Coran and Shiro considers if he should jog to catch up to the others or face Keith.

He takes too long to decide.

“What was that about?” Keith asks.

“Yeah, that was suuuuper weird,” Pidge says, making Shiro jump. She adjusts her glasses, scrutinizing the both of them. “Keith, let me see those calculations.” 

Keith hands over the crumpled paper and Pidge sits back at her computer. 

“I thought you two were messing around,” Shiro explains weakly. “Not taking the briefing seriously.”

Keith’s eyebrows ratchet upward. “Why the hell would you think that?” 

“You and James seem to be getting along pretty well, which is great. I think it’s amazing that you’re building relationships with Garrison personnel—“

“What are you even _talking_ about?” Keith asks, voice climbing in volume and register. 

Shiro sees Iverson giving them a steely look. “Nothing, forget it. Lunch?” he says, putting a friendly hand on Keith’s shoulder.

Keith allows him to lead him out of the situation room, but he wheels around on him the second they’re clear from prying ears.

“You made me look like a stupid little brat in front of everyone, Shiro,” he grits out, stern and furious. Shiro wants to take a step back from him but he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry, you’re right, I didn’t mean to undermine you in front of your team.”

He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head, eyes darting away from Shiro’s. “What was that even about?”

Shiro’s mind shorts out. Should he be honest? Should he pretend he’s stuck in professional mode? Should he brush it off? 

The longer he stalls, the more frustrated Keith gets. “Everything’s different now,” he says, voice soft and upset. 

“What do you mean, Keith?”

“You, me, we’re different now. I liked it better before.” He turns and walks away just like that. 

Shiro could catch up and explain. Or he could catch up and apologize. Or he could catch up and ask Keith to expand on that, because what if they are different now? If they’re “different,” what kind of different? What are they now? 

Either way, he has to catch up to him. He nods awkwardly at people passing by and starts off at a brisk pace.

Keith’s just getting to his dorm when Shiro catches up. 

“Different how?” he asks, a little too loud. 

Keith turns around at the door and frowns. 

“How are we different now?” Shiro reiterates.

Keith hesitates. “I don’t know.”

But Shiro feels it too. Formless, foreign, and looming. 

“I’m sorry,” Shiro says for lack of anything else to say.

“Me too,” Keith says, letting the door slide closed between them.

**

“We’ve never fought,” Keith tells Hunk the day after The Weirdness.

“Dude, yes you have. You cut his arm off and he almost killed you one time.”

“That wasn’t Shiro.”

“Splitting hairs, but sure. Point is, you’ve fought. Other times too.”

Keith huffs, irritated. He starts to gather his tray to toss his food and go, but Hunk puts a hand out. 

“I’m trying to make you feel better about this with a little humor,” he says. He passes Keith a cookie still in its wrapper. “Maybe this will work better.”

Keith takes it with a frown. 

“I think this is the first time you’ve both been where you’re at, you know,” Hunk says thoughtfully.

Keith blinks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you’re on even footing. He’s back to being real Shiro. None of us are who we were when we first left Earth. Things have changed.”

“I guess.” 

“And can I just point out that none of this—“ He gestures in an erratic way at Keith and an unseen force to his left. “—Is the type of problem friends have.”

Keith opens his mouth to dispute that or question it or make Hunk explain himself, but he stops. 

“What? You don’t think everyone knows you’ve got it bad for Shiro?”

“It’s… not like that?” he tries. 

Because it isn’t. It’s not “having it bad” for someone. It’s not a crush. Keith loves Shiro. He knows everyone, including Shiro, knows that. Maybe the definition of “love” here is a little clouded.

Shiro is like a brother to him. Shiro is his best friend. Shiro is the one Keith admires most. 

“So, what’s it like then?” Hunk asks.

Keith tears at the plastic wrap on the cookie and breaks off a piece. “I think it’s more than that,” Keith says.

Hunk hmmms and nods sagely. “Maybe that’s part of why you’re fighting too.”

Keith just focuses on eating the cookie, barely even tasting it. He keeps his eyes trained on his fingers, avoiding Hunk’s gaze. Because maybe he’s right. Maybe his own changed feelings toward him are making things so rocky. 

“I think it’s worth figuring out,” Hunk says. He drops his voice and leans forward on his elbows to be closer to Keith. “Allura is getting antsy about the Altean colony. After we get this comms tower up and running, we should talk about what we’re doing here…”

Keith remembers Hunk implying he wanted to find a replacement for Yellow so he could stay on Earth. The memory stings. 

“If staying on Earth keeps the team whole just a little bit longer…” Keith starts, fading out.

“Forget about that. With the comms tower up, we’ll be able to talk to Earth from pretty much anywhere. We can get back here no problem now…”

“So you haven’t been thinking more about… staying?”

“I miss it out there,” Hunk confesses, voice solid and true. “I think we all do.”

“We don’t have a Castle yet. They’ll never let Atlas go.”

Hunk shrugs. “We made do before. We need to find the Alteans…”

“We’ll talk about it after this mission,” Keith says, tamping down the thrill and relief begging to spill forth.

“I think Shiro should be in on that conversation.”

Keith nods. He imagines how it’d go. Shiro saying he’d stay, see to his purpose here on Earth.. Keith walking away from him, gutted and staggering. Shiro saying he wanted to go, abandoning everything he had here to see to his purpose in the universe. Keith allowing himself to feel chosen. 

Without actually being chosen at all.

HIs angst must show on his face, Hunk frowns. 

“Maybe talk to Shiro in general before we have this conversation as a team, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Keith sighs. 

“You’ve never had to do this, have you?” Hunk has a sly smile on his face.

Keith flushes hot. “Do what?”

“Confess your love for someone? You ever date before?”

“Shut up,” Keith says, getting up for real this time. Hunk starts howling with laughter. Keith gathers his tray and flips Hunk off over his shoulder as he goes. 

**

Mission status: Success.

With the comms tower up and running and everyone back on Earth safely, Shiro knows this is it. Something is going to change.

Allura is distracted, Pidge is listless, Lance is pulsing with anxious energy, Hunk is touchy… Keith is nowhere to be seen, hasn’t been since they got back.

They’re going to leave. It’s written all over them. 

Shiro’d hoped a successful mission would stave the inevitable off at least a little bit, not push it forward.

He knows he’ll wake up one morning to find them gone. The lions missing. A video message left on his tablet if he’s lucky. Coordinates to where they’re headed if he’s super lucky.  
Would he follow?

He would.

He absolutely would.

After a failed attempt to catch Keith at lunch, Shiro and his mounting terror march straight to Iverson’s office. 

“Shirogane, hello—“

Skipping all saluting protocol and actual manners, Shiro launches right into it. “Voltron is going to be leaving any day now and I want to go with them.” 

“They have no missions lined up, Captain. But you have a speech to give about the success of the intergalactic communications—“

“With all due respect, sir, I don’t care.”

Iverson takes him in, fingers steepled in front of his face. “Have they cleared this with the Garrison?”  
“They don’t have to, they don’t belong to the Garrison anymore.”

It’s a challenge Iverson recognizes. They’re all active members with ranks and distinctions and badges of honor now. But Iverson knows better than to think that’s a tether for any of them. Especially not their fiery leader.

“And you want to go with them when they do?” he asks.

Shiro nods. “Yes, sir.”

“Will you be abandoning your post as captain of Atlas?”

Shiro hesitates. He feels Atlas surging in his veins. He feels the thrum of its engines in his gut, its voice in his ears, and its honorable heart beating in him. 

“I was hoping I could convince you to let Atlas serve as—“

“Serve as Voltron’s base, is that right?”

Iverson is unreadable. Shiro’s voice is stuck in his throat. He nods, squaring his shoulders.

“It’s not realistic,” Iverson finally says. “We need all the resources we have built here to remain here at this time.”

Layered in amongst Atlas’ presence in his body, he feels the latent tie to Black. He feels the human, explainable tie to her Paladin. And when he lets his disappointment take out the jetty he’d built up, he feels the crashing waves of homesickness threaten to take him over. 

“I’m sorry, Shiro,” Iverson says, voice soft. “Sometimes, duty takes us in directions we’d rather not go.”

Shiro feels empty without starlight. Without the swirls of cloudy nebulas. Without the absolute endless feeling of being out there.

“I’m going with them,” Shiro says, voice thick and quiet. “It’s been an honor to be welcomed back here with such open arms, to be given a ship… but I’m going with them.”

He turns and leaves. Without a dismissal. Without a salute. With no sense of protocol whatsoever. He feels free again. But his feet still take him to Atlas’ cavernous hangar. 

That’s where he finds Keith.

**

He has to tell him. He has to give him the option to act with the information given. Keith wrings his hands around the railing overlooking the Atlas, heart hammering in his chest. If other people can do it… if other people can talk about their feelings and their priorities and what they want, so can he. If other people can call their feelings by name, assign them weight, and express them, so can he.

He’s been avoiding Shiro this whole time, carving each letter of what he has to say to him from a block of ice. Sometimes, after all the thought and work, the words still melted away from him. 

He’s going to tell him he’s in love with him. He’s going to tell him they’re leaving. And he’s going to let him decide what he has to decide and he’s going to be okay with the outcome.

Hopefully.

He feels footsteps reverberating toward him and there’s something familiar in the gait. He refuses to turn.

“Can we talk?” Shiro asks, stopping a few feet away.

Keith closes his eyes and breathes in and out before turning to face him.

 _Not now, not like this, I’m not ready yet_ , Keith thinks. “Sure,” he says.

“I know what you guys are planning,” Shiro starts. His jaw is tense and squared, matching his shoulders. He means business. He’s pissed. The man before him isn’t Shiro, he’s Captain Shirogane. He’s going to tell him he can’t go, he’s going to tell him he’s being selfish and reckless and stupid. 

So before Shiro can say any of that, Keith pitches his voice louder and speaks over him, “—I’m in love with you—“

“— I’m coming with you. What?”

“I know you came here to say— wait. What did you say?” 

“I said I’m coming with you, what did _you_ say?”

“I said… I thought you were going to tell us not to go. You’re coming with us?”

“That’s not what you said,” Shiro says, frustrated. He steps forward. “Did you say you’re in love with me?”

Keith’s shoulders slump. He swivels back to face Atlas again, hands gripping the railing. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” 

“Sorry.”

“Why?”

“So, you’re coming with us?” Keith squeaks. 

He feels his carefully planned speech completely liquify and evaporate from him. He hadn’t prepared for this contingency. 

“If you’ll have me,” Shiro says in a low, shy voice. He moves to lean his lower back against the rail next to Keith, looking over at him. 

“I’ll have you. I mean. We’d… I was working on a speech, you know.” Keith tries to hold Shiro’s gaze even though his skin is crawling. 

“About being in love with me?”

“Stop…” he says, letting his eyes sink to Shiro’s boots. HIs cheeks are burning.

“I’m not making fun of you.”

Keith’s hands are sweating on the rail so he pulls them away to wipe on the front of his pants. He swings his focus back to Atlas so he can look distant when he says, “It wasn’t just about that.”

“Okay.”

“I was going to tell you our plan and give you a choice. And I wanted you to also know how I felt about you, just in case that changed anything.”

“What were my choices?”

“Staying here, coming with us. Either way, we… I respect you and know you’d support us. And… I mean, my mom left because she loved us. And Allura let go of her father’s memory to save us. And we sacrificed the Castle to keep the universe from imploding or whatever and I just. I know that loving someone sometimes means being away from them. So. I wanted you to have that information. Because uh, either way. I just. I don’t know how you feel though? But if it makes a difference to you, I wanted you to know before you chose.”

“I’m coming with you,” Shiro says again.

“So I’ve heard.”

“Love isn’t always…”

“Reciprocated?” Keith says with a wry laugh, his heart plummeting into his stomach.

“Walking away,” Shiro corrects.”I’m coming with you. And I’m in love with you too.”

“You what?”

Shiro laughs, warm and bashful. He turns his body toward Keith. “I’ve hated being back here, you know?”

Keith blinks at the change in topic, he wants to go back to the mutual being in love thing.

“I’ve hated the rules and regulations and division. Answering to others. I miss being out there. I don’t want to answer to Earth generals, I don’t want to be here. I know you hate it too.”

“Yeah…”

“I want to be out there, with you. And the others. And you. I can’t imagine you being out there without me. Or me being here without you.”

“Oh,” Keith breathes. 

It’s the easiest thing in the world when Shiro’s hands fall on Keith’s waist. When he pulls him close. Keith’s heart banging out of his chest, cheeks caught on fire. Nose to nose, forehead to forehead. 

“You’re coming with us,” Keith says, soft and unbelieving. 

“After everything we’ve been through, how could I not?” 

“What about the Atlas?”

“She stays here, we’ll make do.”

Keith wonders if Shiro can feel Atlas in his bones like they can feel the lions. Standing here with them both, he knows he can. He frowns a little, not meaning to. 

“What’s wrong?” Shiro asks.

“Is it going to hurt leaving her behind?”

“Probably, but not as bad as it would to stay.”

Keith kisses Shiro for that. Tilts his head just enough, presses forward just enough. He has no idea what he’s doing, all he knows is that he wants to. 

Shiro kisses him back.

**

_Everything is cold and still and good. Neutral. The Captain, within range. Unthreatened, happy, safe, heart rate and breath good._

_Good._

_All systems online but resting. Calibrating, analyzing, running through codes and debugging, solving hypothetical problems. It’s a dream state. Constant, organic thought. Preparation for missions and waking life._

_Hardware check, begin._

_Engines, good._

_Thrusters, good._

_Life support systems, good._

_Weapons, good._

_Inventory, full._

_Flight personnel, not applicable._

_And then she checks again, always looking for change._

_Cold and still and good and neutral. At rest but ready. Captain, within range._

_Captain, out of range. Systems online, active. Assessing risk. Lions of Voltron detected, not a threat._

_Captain, leaving Earth’s atmosphere. Engines, thrusters, life support, weapons, inventory._

_She whirs to life. Hot, moving, generating power, bay doors open, taking flight, reaching altitude. She locks onto the Black Lion’s energy signature, finds the Captain nestled inside. Black Lion, not a threat._

_“Atlas, at ease,” the Captain commands, his heartbeat syncing into the system, his mind slipping through the coding. “Abort takeoff, power down.”_

_But where he goes, Atlas follows._

**Author's Note:**

> I had to end it that way, I just felt like no one was asking Atlas what SHE wanted, ya feel? 
> 
> I asked Spotify what to call this and it said to use a lyric from "Wings in All Black" by Gregory Alan Isakov! Thanks, Spotify.


End file.
